Right, just when I thought the dog days were over, they weren't. Just when I thought that I was finally a bit more mentally stable, I was not. Just when I thought that I wouldn't have to go through nights of absolute terror, I was wrong. Of course I was.
I've had my share of being absolutely mental in this life – I've been anorexic, or so they said, at least. I've had nervous breakdowns. I've dealt with panic- and anxiety disorders, BUT, for some stupid reason, I thought I was done with all of that. Apparently not considering the thrills of last night.
It all began with me sleeping until 16.30 on Monday. Well, it might have begun with me drinking, and being shit-faced on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday AND Sunday this passed week, but that's more of a parenthesis in my opinion. ANYWAY, since I bloody slept all day on Monday, OBVIOUSLY I couldn't f-ing sleep when I went to bed that same night. All kinds of thoughts were spinning around inside my head, my heart was pounding and I had the shakes – gorgeous, I thought to myself.
The day afterwards, yesterday, that is, I had my first day of work and even though I basically hadn't slept at all, it still went fine since I'm rather amazing at acting normal even though I'm f-ing crazy from time to time. When it was all done, I came home, and after taking care of a bit of mundane crap like cleaning and doing laundry, I went to bed at approximately 00.00. That's when my mind went bloody bananas...
So, I was lying, rather peacefully, in bed when all of a sudden there was this sound. Drip, drip, drip. It kind of sounded like something dripping – well, DAH, I just wrote "drip, drip, drip" – but instead of just thinking "maybe I forgot to turn the shower off properly" or "maybe that's just a perfectly normal sound and nothing to worry about", I got convinced that there was a bird in the room. FUCK, there's a bird in here! What do I do?
A bird!? Seriously, since when do birds make dripping sounds? Anyway, I was convinced that there was a bird in the room, so I got up, ready to chase it out. As soon as I stood up, the whole floor went brown, crawling with insects and cockroaches. I closed my eyes to prevent me from screaming – wouldn't want do that, THAT would be embarrassing – and headed for the lights (naturally, being completely crazy is not embarrassing at all, rather it's something to write about in one's blog). Switched the lights on, and all the little ugly buggers disappeared in a flash. Phew.
Completely forgetting why I was up in the first place, I went back to bed. Finally some sleep, I thought. Fuck no. Instead, my heart started raising and the room went ice cold. Fuck, I'm having a heart attack. No. Nononono. Not again. I just cannot go through this shit again. I put my hand on my heart and started counting its beats while taking the time with my BROKEN iPhone.
One, two, three, four, tell me that you love me more. Sleepless long nights, that's what my youth is for...
After about 30 minutes I got over my newly found heart condition, and I closed my eyes once again. Fuck. You're crazy. You're absolutely fucking crazy, you know that, right? The voices in my head were ever so kind – God it's good to be out of your mind.
The night continued like this for about six more hours. If I wasn't f-ing certain that I was having a stroke or a heart attack, I was convinced my neighbours were going to kidnap me or that the Japanese boy in the grudge was coming to get me... EVEN though I don't believe in ghosts or anything.
Today I feel a bit better, but I'm obviously RATHER tired, hence making the list of my life goals will have to wait, since I cannot bloody focus. Ugh. Jesus Christ, and normal people worry about what to wear, what stupid furniture to buy and what to do with the dog on the summer vacation to Turkey. Not that I would want to worry about things like that – obviously I'd rather be insane than boring.
I've had my share of being absolutely mental in this life – I've been anorexic, or so they said, at least. I've had nervous breakdowns. I've dealt with panic- and anxiety disorders, BUT, for some stupid reason, I thought I was done with all of that. Apparently not considering the thrills of last night.
It all began with me sleeping until 16.30 on Monday. Well, it might have begun with me drinking, and being shit-faced on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday AND Sunday this passed week, but that's more of a parenthesis in my opinion. ANYWAY, since I bloody slept all day on Monday, OBVIOUSLY I couldn't f-ing sleep when I went to bed that same night. All kinds of thoughts were spinning around inside my head, my heart was pounding and I had the shakes – gorgeous, I thought to myself.
The day afterwards, yesterday, that is, I had my first day of work and even though I basically hadn't slept at all, it still went fine since I'm rather amazing at acting normal even though I'm f-ing crazy from time to time. When it was all done, I came home, and after taking care of a bit of mundane crap like cleaning and doing laundry, I went to bed at approximately 00.00. That's when my mind went bloody bananas...
So, I was lying, rather peacefully, in bed when all of a sudden there was this sound. Drip, drip, drip. It kind of sounded like something dripping – well, DAH, I just wrote "drip, drip, drip" – but instead of just thinking "maybe I forgot to turn the shower off properly" or "maybe that's just a perfectly normal sound and nothing to worry about", I got convinced that there was a bird in the room. FUCK, there's a bird in here! What do I do?
A bird!? Seriously, since when do birds make dripping sounds? Anyway, I was convinced that there was a bird in the room, so I got up, ready to chase it out. As soon as I stood up, the whole floor went brown, crawling with insects and cockroaches. I closed my eyes to prevent me from screaming – wouldn't want do that, THAT would be embarrassing – and headed for the lights (naturally, being completely crazy is not embarrassing at all, rather it's something to write about in one's blog). Switched the lights on, and all the little ugly buggers disappeared in a flash. Phew.
Completely forgetting why I was up in the first place, I went back to bed. Finally some sleep, I thought. Fuck no. Instead, my heart started raising and the room went ice cold. Fuck, I'm having a heart attack. No. Nononono. Not again. I just cannot go through this shit again. I put my hand on my heart and started counting its beats while taking the time with my BROKEN iPhone.
One, two, three, four, tell me that you love me more. Sleepless long nights, that's what my youth is for...
After about 30 minutes I got over my newly found heart condition, and I closed my eyes once again. Fuck. You're crazy. You're absolutely fucking crazy, you know that, right? The voices in my head were ever so kind – God it's good to be out of your mind.
The night continued like this for about six more hours. If I wasn't f-ing certain that I was having a stroke or a heart attack, I was convinced my neighbours were going to kidnap me or that the Japanese boy in the grudge was coming to get me... EVEN though I don't believe in ghosts or anything.
Today I feel a bit better, but I'm obviously RATHER tired, hence making the list of my life goals will have to wait, since I cannot bloody focus. Ugh. Jesus Christ, and normal people worry about what to wear, what stupid furniture to buy and what to do with the dog on the summer vacation to Turkey. Not that I would want to worry about things like that – obviously I'd rather be insane than boring.
TA-TA.
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