This Is China (TIC)

Darlings!

I made it to China. I fucking made it to the People's Republic of China.

When I lost my wallet the night before my flight, my first thought was: "Gorgeous. Just gorgeous. How the fuck am I going to make it to the airport tomorrow with no money what-so-ever and no credit cards? I won't. Fuck Me Raw (henceforth: FMR)!" But, I made it. I'm here. And the sole reason why I made it is because I have the most fabulous, the greatest, the best friends in the world. Thank you all for looking for my wallet, for being shoulders to cry on and for gathering money. I cannot thank you enough! For once, I am speechless.

So, I arrived and I went straight for the smoker's lounge... but then I remembered that I had quit smoking. Shit. No ciggie for me! Anyway. I got into a taxi that took me straight to Bradley's place. First thought upon seeing his "little" place: "Fuck. This is what life is supposed to look like!" Some hugs and some bottles of beer later, I was sleeping like a baby in en extra bed in his gorgeous living room.

Next morning I indulged in a DIVINE breakfast at his hotel. Then I went to my dormitory. For once in my life I was early, three hours early in fact, which resulted in me sleeping on the ground outside my dormitory building. At first I felt a bit like I shouldn't just lay down and sleep on the ground outside my building, but then I remembered: "This Is China". This Is China!

A couple hours of sleep later, all the other people started arriving and before long I was checked into my "fabulous" dormitory room. Fuck. Maybe the feeling Eddie & Patsy had when the checked into their château in France would suffice to describe how I felt when I saw my room. Well, I can't say I was disappointed, seeing as I kind of knew what it was going to look like, but still. It was anything but glamorous, and it was so far away from the world I had been living in the past 20 hours. Sniff, sniff, cry.

Anyway, I did the only thing I could do: I went to the nearest café and had a glass of wine... As we all know; a glass of wine solves everything. EVERYTHING.

OK, so let's fast forward a bit. On Friday, on my way to Bradley's place for some champagne (what else?), I was in a taxi. Obviously. All of a sudden the taxi driver stops – right in the middle of an eight-lane road – and says:

"Hey! I can't be bothered with driving you anymore. Pay and get off!"

"Er, what do you mean?" I responded.

"Pay and gett off! Now!"

"Here?"

"Yes!"

I smiled. TIC. I got off and was stood in the middle of the road for about 10 minutes – waving my hands off, trying to get another taxi to stop. Well, A few of them actually stopped and asked where I was going, but when I told them, they answered they weren't going that way and drove off. TIC! Finally, a young couple stopped their car and offered to take me where ever I wanted to go. Ha. TIC.

Friday night Bradley and I ordered in and spent the whole night watching TV, drinking and chit-chatting. Lovely.

Saturday morning I had some kind of stupid student registration at my school. I got to the health check-up corner and the girl asked me if I had my x-ray with me. I said no. She shook her head, told me to pay a bit more money than I was supposed to, then looked back at her computer screen, yelling: "NEXT!"

TIC.

A bit after that, a friend (read: a hot Korean boy) and I went to a café and asked the waitress if they had tea. She looked at me, frowned, and answer: "Yes we do; this is a café!" Then she didn't do anything. No menu, no nothing. TIC.

Saturday evening Bradley and I went out for Turkish food (which was absolutely MARVELOUS) and champagne. We returned home at about ten-ish, and then Bradley went to bed and left me to watch TV and drink beer at my own discretion. It didn't take me long to realise that I could use Grinder (a gay application where you can see – and chat to – all the gay boys in the vicinity). So, I found a cute guy and chatted away. He wanted me to come out, but I was a bit too tipsy to do that, so I told him I'd meet him tomorrow instead.

Sunday morning I enjoyed another DIVINE hotel breakfast and then I got into a taxi. I phoned last night's boy – who, by the way, was half Chinese; half Russian – and gave the phone to the taxi driver. Before long, I was standing, alone, in the middle of a roundabout somewhere in a godforsaken Beijing suburb. My phone had died, and there was no sign of the boy. "Fucking perfect!", I thought to myself. "This is so typically me!"

Thankfully, he showed up after a while and... he was hot as FUCK! Tall, Chinese, gorgeous. He took me to his place and the rest of the afternoon is another story (that shan't be published here. At least not at this moment). Let me just say that the combination: Russian/Chinese might be the perfect combination. Asian body – think: lean muscle, showing veins and smooth skin – Russian tool (think: ... do you even need a thinking hint for that one!?). Perfection!

Ok, lovers, that's all for now.

Tonight I'm heading to Sanlitun and hopefully I'll end up totally trashed!

Cheers!